Jo started school this April. He has been enjoying it a lot, but with the new freedom, and feeling of being 'all-grown-up' after
kindy, has come a new 'attitude'. Unfortunately, this is not the kind of 'attitude' most parents want in their children. Talking back, throwing fits, breaking things in anger, disrespecting everyone...I can see most of you nodding and thinking, 'wasn't he like that BEFORE???'...well, sort of...but now it's WORSE! Yes, hard to imagine, I know. Oh, he's still a great kid and knows how to get his own way with one flash of that cute little dimple in his cheek, but some days he just pushes things too far. Here is one of those days:
Shibby had gone to Tokyo for the day on business, which meant I had to get the kids ready for school and out of the house before I went to work at 7:30. Usually this is no trouble for me, but on the days I have to leave for work I usually have my hands full getting MYSELF ready! This particular morning Ken and Jo got up at 5:00am so were supposedly 'ready' by 7:00. I thought everything was going fine. For some reason, around 7:15 when I tried to round up the kids to get their bags on and teeth brushed, Jo became very unhappy and vocal about some things. It was only last week, but I'm afraid I can't remember exactly WHAT those things were now...but whatever it was he wouldn't accept any solution I gave him. Time was running out and I needed him to just get his bag on and go, so I asked him to do some things. He just said 'Nah' and walked upstairs. I called out to him that if he didn't obey then he would not be able to go to his friends house in the afternoon for the party they had planned for him and his friends. At this point, I was really HOPING he would just do what I said so I could go to work, and he could go to his party...and I was a beginning to wish I hadn't put such an inconvenient punishment out there to start with...because, Jo is stubborn like me and I knew he wouldn't back down. Ken was in the Japanese room playing darts and saying to himself, 'Jo you are so silly...you should listen.....!' But Jo refused and I had to physically make him get ready and throw him out of the house so I could lock the door and go to work! Of course, once he realised I was serious about the punishment he burst into tears and a string of apologies started flowing...but it was too late, and so was I! He was just standing in the porch when I drove the car out of the drive and I could see he wasn't going to budge, so I stopped the car and threw him in the car so I could take him some of the way to school. The look on his face broke my heart. I remember not being able to go to my friends places when I had done something wrong when I was a kid...and I remember the pain too. For the sanguine child like Jo, removing friends was worse than any spanking or punishment that could be dished out. (He even asked me once, 'Mummy can you spank me instead??!)
I dropped him off at the drop-off point so he could walk with the other kids to school, but he just stood there staring at my car as I drove away. I was so worried and upset - everything had gone wrong! I rang the school immediately from my cell and told the teacher to ring me if he didn't turn up, and I was already planning who I was going to call to get help if he went missing. Thankfully, he arrived at school safely. I felt so bad all day and those of you with kids will know that feeling of compassion when the anger subsides and you realise all that matters is that they are safe. The difficult part for me came when I started to think about when he would come home that afternoon. I wanted to do something special for him to cheer him up but battled with the thought that I was supposed to be punishing him and so I shouldn't back down..but in my heart, I just wanted to make him feel better. I was lucky enough to talk briefly with the University Chaplain before leaving work and told her of my feelings. What she said was so wise and true that it answered my
dilemma instantly.
She reminded me that the 'punishment' was not being able to go to his friend's house. The punishment was not to 'make him miserable'. She said that I should have fun with him and spend time with him when he gets home, but the punishment stays. Then it all made sense to me, and I could see she was right.
When Jo came home I met him at the door, expecting a grumpy
whingey fellow...but he was all cheer and sweetness. Not once did he mention going to his friend's house. We spent the afternoon playing games together and talking. I think it may have been one of the best afternoons we have had together in a while! Thanks Pam!
Who can this be???
